"If I could just lose 5kgs"

I hear this line at least 3 times a week. If you think about it, that's a lot. That's a lot of people whose happiness is determined by their scale weight. There's a huge problem with this, and it's not so much the problem of wanting to change our weight. It's the problem in thinking that the solution will come if we just do this one thing.

I've heard this outside the realm of weight loss too. I have a very distinct memory of me thinking to myself at the age of 17, "if I pass my P's test today I'll never have to worry about anything ever again". HA. It's kind of sweet to think about my own ignorance when I was younger because it's bliss, right?

That's exactly the problem with happiness and fat loss. The ignorance in believing that losing a specific number of kilos will fix our problems is almost like a pacifier to a baby, bringing us comfort and relief. Believing that a lack of confidence and happiness is caused by a very small amount of weight gain shields us from the things that are truly making us unhappy. Instead of realising that our unhappiness might be caused by awful friends who don't seem to care, or a strained relationship with a family member, it's much easier to put our unhappiness down to our weight.

I know this probably seems very deep coming from me. Even writing this I feel like I'm about to hurt some feelings, but I truly believe the first step to finding a solution is finding what the problem really is. So let's do that together.

When clients first start with me, I ask them why. They usually say "I want to lose a few kilos". I ask again, and they follow up with "I want to lose around 5kgs, I just don't feel confident". I ask them again and add in "what was the moment that made you reach out?". That's when I get the truth, and it's usually something soul crushing like "I got out the shower and couldn't look at myself". You might be wondering why I'm telling you this, and I'll get to the point.

The inability to look at yourself, or the inability to feel secure in that your partner is still attracted to you isn't caused by X number of kilograms on the scales. It's caused by internal problems. Problems that won't be fixed by a quick fat loss phase and nothing else. Something I can promise you, is that reaching your specific goal weight with no regard for the rest of your lifestyle won't be as satisfying as you imagine. You'll lose those few kilos, step off the scale and feel happy, only to get home and realise that humans share the same problems regardless of their weight. I have clients who don't know each other, and are 50kgs apart who share the exact same insecurities, just on different ends of the spectrum. So with that, I urge you to really consider what is making you insecure. What is stealing your confidence?

Is it 5kgs or is the fact you can't walk upstairs anymore without gasping for air?

Is it 3kgs or is it the fact you haven't led a healthy lifestyle since your children were born 23 years ago?

Is it 10kgs or is it the fact you're 26 and wake up with joint pain in your knees?

Before you embark on your health & fitness journey, I beg you through this blog to reconsider why you're doing it. "Losing a few kgs" won't keep you going when it's dark and cold in the morning, or when it's raining and easier to stay home with your dog. I beg you to understand that the problems in your mind won't disappear with the fat. They linger and only lead to you finding new things to pick at within yourself.

If you can find what is really making you insecure about your weight, without saying a number on the scale, you're on the right track. I'll give you an example of mine. One day I said to a client "I might just lose 3 or so kgs". I thought about it that night in bed, because who doesn't relive conversations before going to sleep, and I realised something. Saying I wanted to lose 3kgs was just a cover up. I was using 3kgs (a random number) as an excuse for the fact I hadn't exercised in weeks apart from short walks, and had been eating excessively when I felt stressed. I was using a scale number to lessen the blow and ignore the fact that I'd not taken care of myself in almost a month.

So I'll leave you with a piece of advice. Stop hiding behind your scale weight. If you let your scale weight shield you from what's really going on, you'll never lose the weight because A) You won't be fixing what's really wrong and B) You'll want to keep that shield there.

The things that cause insecurity, a lack of confidence and anxiety will remain after you've lost weight if you don't deal with them head on. Ignorance is bliss, but it will one day catch up to you. It's not that you're 145kgs - it's that you can't walk properly anymore so you avoid doing stand up things with your friends. It's not that you're 87kgs - it's that you had to go shopping because your clothes didn't fit you anymore.

Stop placing so much importance on the scale. Make changes to your lifestyle for your health, not your scale weight. Work on yourself internally, and you will change externally.

No one ever asks you what your weight is when you run into them, but they do ask how you are. Work on yourself so you can tell them truthfully that you're the healthiest you've ever been and you are happy.

Your coach & friend,

Maddy